Zoe's Super Bowl Grid Game — zoeshrugged.com

Ok friends! It’s Super Bowl time, so you know what that means. Oh wait, you don’t? It means we’re in the dead week between my birthday and Valentine’s Day in which I am not lauded with presents, praise, and attention. Rather than people telling me that I’m still young and pretty, we have to assure Tom Brady that he is still young and pretty.

But I digress.

This year, in what is sure to be one of the most ‘Murican Super Bowl ever (complete with a combo Doritos/Mountain Dew ad, probable angry tweets from frat bros about the lack of bikini-clad girls in commercials, followed by probable angry tweets from social justice feminists about the lack of women on the playing field, and middle age Trump fans who will be spilling Bud Lite in living rooms across America as they struggle to rise from their recliners to stand for the national anthem, knocking over the buffet they’ve set on their stomach), the Patriots play the Eagles. So. Much. 'Murica.

Now while we all enjoy a good football game from time to time, unless you’re a huge fan of either team and/or have money on the game, the Super Bowl can be fairly boring.

That’s where I come in with Zoe’s Super Bowl Grid game.

The rules are as follows. If you’d like a printable game card, click to download one in PDF, PNG, or Word.

1. Gather the supplies. You’ll need the game card (bonus points if you get it laminated and use whiteboard markers), numbers 0-9 on small pieces of paper, a hat to put them in, and different color markers (this is optional, but I’ll explain why it’s useful later).

2. Each person will pay a dollar to buy a square. For example, if I paid $7, I get to put my name in 7 squares. (Hint: if you’re arguing about who goes first, my rule is the person whose birthday is coming up next goes first and so on throughout the calendar year.) It’s up to your discretion, but you might want to limit the number of squares that one can buy so that the last person isn’t left with only one or two. Then you can circle back around again.

3. Pay into the pot. After I bought my squares, I would put my cash in the pile. (We used a makeup bag last year for safe keeping.)

4. Once Player 1 has purchased their squares, go to the next player. In this case, RB would go next, putting in $12 and initialing 12 squares.

5. This goes around the room until the board is filled. (If the board does not fill up, the remaining squares go to the host. If you’re playing in a bar, they go to who brought the game).

Note: You’ll also see why we use different color markers. If two people have the same initials or bad handwriting, there could be a fight over whose initials they are. (See living room Super Bowl fight of 2016.)

6. Once the board is filled out, put the numbers 0-9 in a hat and draw them out one at a time. You’ll draw for the Eagles first. In this example, the first number that was drawn was 2, so you’ll put the 2 on the board.

7. Keep drawing until the whole green row and red column are populated with numbers 0-9. Set the 2 aside and draw again until the whole Eagles row is done then put the numbers back in the hat and do the same for the Patriots column.

8. These are your end-number scores. The payout at the bottom of the page shows the winning pot per quarters, half, and final.

1st quarter: $10
2nd quarter (halftime): $30
3rd quarter: $10
Final: $50

9. After first quarter, make the first pay out. In our example, the first quarter has ended and the score is Eagles 7, Patriots 0. This means that KA gets $10. You DO NOT CROSS OUT THE SQUARE once she has won because if the score at halftime is Eagles 17, Patriots 10, she wins again.

10. Repeat for halftime, then quarter, and final.

Note: The game is all about luck. Sure, you can increase your odds by buying more squares, but in the previous scenario, KA would have won twice by sheer luck. This is also the point of the randomized numbers. If you had done 0-9 in order in each column, the first person could have likely guessed best scores based on common historical wins (28-21 for example) and put their initials on the 8 and 1 for both teams. This is totally random. Your 90 year old grandma can kick your ass. It’s also a fun way to keep your audience engaged even if the game is a blowout.

Adaptations: for playing with kids, you can use pennies. For playing with people who are too cool for cash, you can use Venmo. (I don’t recommend using cryptocurrency as you money will likely be gone by halftime.) However, by using cash, the winner can do this. All while thanking Tom Brady for being so good- and pretty.